Welcome 2009..

2008 has been quite a year. It's been a year of surprises, revelations, lessons and friendship. This year I learned a lot about myself..a lot about the people around me and a lot about human beings on a whole.

You see, I learned that I could grow so attached to a friend so much that losing them could break my heart. I learned that stepping out on my own wasn't as scary as I thought it could be. I learned that you CAN always go home. I learned that when you're down and out, you're never really as alone as you think you are.

Life's funny like that. What you think you know, what you know, and what things really are..we'll they're never the same thing.

Things have changed a lot in my SL in the last two months.

Somewhere down the line I stopped playing Barbie like I did before. I got super serious and caught up. And it stopped being fun.

And one day, I walked away from it. And I'm not sorry.

And these last few weeks in SL..they've been a blast. Wandering and shopping and just chit chatting. Getting back to my roots.

I had a great time in 2008 - don't get me wrong. My best memories are from the Bee Hive where I started working. The Relay for Life event we hosted was out of this world. A WEEK of sick events. LOL. We raised money for RFL..for the MS Society..for the Breast Cancer Network of Strength. And those moments..the good that I think I've done..well that's the highlight of my SL right there. Being able to say I did something to make a difference.

Moo and I are back to being best friends. Not attached at the hip like before, just chilled and having fun. This year was some ride. We moved too many times for me to count! We had a perfect home, a huge home, a not so perfect home, oy! :) And to think..it all started with us sleeping on the couch at Hot Rocks one night.

This year brought the closing of the Bee Hive, the closing, opening and closing of Sporks, Blissful Productions, the Sweet Escape Bakery, the Savoy, the Bistro, the WJBC. Goodness.

I've made some new friends, lost some old ones and strengthened friendships.

It's hard to cram a year into one post. Hard to convey how much everyone and everything in SL has meant to me.

And while RL has stolen me back a lot, I'm still around - just the Ever-AFK Wench that I am. :)

I'm sure I'll blog again before the New Year, but here's my tribute to an amazing year.

Thank you all for making it so great..and for sticking it out with me.

Cheers to 2009. May she be bigger and better!

SMOOCH!

This Christmas..

This Christmas Eve there's a lot swirling around in my head.

First of all, for one friend of mine, there won't be a very merry Christmas at all. You see, yesterday scum broke into her new house and cleaned her house out. They took all of the Christmas presents under the tree. They took her television. They took her DVD player. They took her handbags. They took her patio furniture. Her treadmill. All of her husband's clothing (save one pair of sweatpants left behind). Her jewelry. Her BEDDING. Her dignity and sense of security. And when they took the condoms from the nightstand, they had pretty much taken it all.

But I made the canned statement I make to clients.

At least you two weren't home when they came. At least you still have each other and you're safe and unharmed. That's what is really important. Not stuff. Insurance replaces stuff. Sure stuff has sentimental value..but without the person behind the sentimental items, it seems pointless to me. So long as they have each other safe and sound..it would all be okay.

Nonetheless, she told me to shut the fuck up. ROFL! I can appreciate the feeling of frustration she was overwhelmed with, and she's allowed to take it out on me (for now).

So this Christmas Eve..as I eagerly eye my Christmas presents..itching to tear at ribbons and bows..I fully intend on keeping in mind that even if I were to open wrapped cans of SPAM, I should be appreciative. Love is an amazing feeling - for a parent, child, lover and friend. Without it, things are cold and empty..and all the stuff in the world won't change that. Love is far more important than whatever is hidden under the paper.

The radio station here, KTU, is playing non-stop holiday music. So I have it on as I sit here waiting for my rum cake to cool before glazing it. Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas" is on. I love that song. Mostly, I love the version from Love, Actually. That's my all time favorite movie ever. So I sing along, attach the following and wish you all a wonderful Christmas. :)



Ohhhh..who am I kidding? If I got SPAM I'd be majorly pissed off and nobody would be feeling the love from me. ROFL!

:) Hey, I said I'd try, didn't I?



XOXO,
B

The Nature of the Season..

Tis the season for many things. For love and peace..and joy and warmth. Tis the season to lay a kiss on someone and tell them you love them. Tis the season to appreciate what you have..and to lend a hand to those who have not.

Things can get lost sometimes..the importance of being human..vanishes into the craziness of human demands.

But take a deep breath. And remember that sometimes you just need to snapshot one sweet moment and love it. :) Use that one moment to represent how you'd like to feel all the time, maybe.

:) From my family to yours, have a very Merry Christmas. And a happy and healthy New Year.

"Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up your life. But I'd rather be your moon - so I can shine on you in your darkest hour when your sun isn't around."

You are. You all are.

SMOOCH!!!!!

XOXO,

B

Stolen from Joonie..

10 Things I Wish I Could Say To 10 Different People Right Now (RL and SL)

1. I love you. Without fear..without expectations..I love you.

2. You were right. I'm sorry you were, and I didn't want to believe it..but..you were right.

3. I miss you.

4. You are my reason for waking up some days..for living at all on others.

5. There IS no place like home. :) I love you for always making home the safest and warmest place to be.

6. I love you for being you..even when the world tried to change you.

7. The world does not revolve around you. It never has and it never will.

8. You are my inspiration. Your strength gave me courage when I had none. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I could have made it this far.

9. I'm sorry I was not who you wanted or needed me to be.

10. Thank you for being a part of my life. For the good and the bad. For the laughter and the tears. For making me who I am today..and teaching me the lessons in life that I needed to learn.

Cashmere Lovin'

Last week my sister and I attended the InStyle Magazine promoted cashmere party. Buy a piece of cashmere, get free monogramming. Champagne, wine and sparkling water flowed freely in addition to various hors d'oeuvres (my personal favorite being tiny rice krispy treats..lol). Anyway..so I ended up buying a few different things. I got myself and my mom monogrammed cashmere scarves (hers hot pink and mine pale blue) - my sister got her own in white. We also got the same sweaters in different colors - hers red and mine charcoal in the v-neck long sleeved sweaters and hers blue and mine purple in the same cardigan with fake diamond buttons. We also bought the sweater in green, pink and black - one each for my two other sisters and our mom. Yep. We'd be a family of dorks in matching outfits - it had been decided.

While we sat around waiting for the monogramming to be complete, she and I talked for a long time. We discussed it and agreed to host a big ass party for New Year's Eve at our house on the island (after we made a phone call to our oldest sister to make sure she'd be coming down from Canada). This year's been rough for everyone (not as rough as it could be - and we're thankful for that) and maybe ringing in the new year together was just the perfect thing we all needed to remind us of how good we really have it.

So last night I headed home early to do some party planning. I ordered some great decorations for the house in silver and black and a six bottle basket of champagne from Sherry Lehman (oh yeah..like six is going to be anywhere near enough for my family?), booked maid service for the 2nd (can you say..lazy?) and did a few of the invites. I wrapped the sweaters that we're going to surprise my sisters and mom with and dug out my recipes for holiday treats. All in all it was a productive week from last week to last night. With only a few days left for Christmas, I'm taking tomorrow off to finish my Christmas shopping and meet some friends for lunch. Why is it we only find the time for certain people around the holidays?

It's been crazy busy at work with end of the year business, etc., but any further discussion of layoffs have temporarily been suspended. Thankfully. :) So, I guess I can honestly say the New Year is looking kind of bright. Will my outlook stay this bright? Who knows. I hope so. :) now to crawl back into bed and snuggle up to watch the city wake up.

Here's to a happy holiday season. :) And the promise of a new year with new adventures to come.


XOXO,
B

Welcome Winter Wonderland!

So it snowed today in New York, which always makes for an amazing sight. It didn't blanket the city..just made for a beautiful walk home with huge snowflakes drifting everywhere and the whole Christmas feeling finally really sank it.

So here's a great picture. :) To get you into the winter jollyday mood with me.




XOXO,
B

I Dare You..

To not think they're sexy. :) With the wrinkles around their eyes now..and the fact that they fuck up the song and still keep going - just laughing about it. For your viewing pleasure.. :) (stop the video playing at the bottom of the page first, though!)




XOXO,
B

Change..

So, some things are inevitable in life. First and second. One being change.

These last few weeks have held a lot of change for me - good and not so good.

And I thought to myself..I can't do this. I just can't make it work. But the thing is, I didn't know what I wanted to do. Where I wanted to be. Who I had become.

And I had a funny thought yesterday.

No funny ha ha. Funny AHA!

I am..what I make of me.

I can either wallow in my own sadness, or I can get up and find my way.

So, I did just that.

I wandered..and I hunted..and I searched. I shopped and I took pictures and I had fun. I had fun all by myself.

Now, don't mistake me for saying I'm better off alone. I love being a part of a group and having fun. I have my friends and I love them all. And I know if I ever needed help, they'd be there for me and vice versa.

But I think just flying solo for a while was necessary. For me to remember a lot of things - about SL and myself. When I started this blog, I used the term "Not all who wander are lost" on top. The very first time I said it in SL was to BigD when I showed everyone the Blissie Cave and we wandered the entire sim going into other people's homes and stuff. That adventure always stuck with me.

I've decided what my short-term future holds. Not work, but a new adventure for me to get lost in. I'm excited. I can't remember the last time I was really really excited about something for myself in SL. I started Blissful Productions, but never really got EXCITED about it - which is why it never went anywhere.

But!

I'm not what SL makes of me. SL is what I make of it.

And the view today is pretty damn good to me.

I guess people are right when they say there's always a rainbow after a storm..or..whatever it is people say about the good things that come out after things have been at their worst.

:) See you when I see you. Maybe here, maybe not.

Peace out, yo.



XOXO,
B

It's All a Cycle..

Someone recently pointed out to me that SL is very much a cycle. The periods of good and happy and fun. And then the periods of crazy and unhappy and out of hand. And I think..it's very true.

And, I said that it was the ebb and flow of SL that made it so much like RL sometimes. The periods of quiet content and then ear shattering discontent. They always surface.

When it rains, it pours, yada yada.

But let me tell you something funny.

I was sitting in my apartment chatting with Parker and trying to decorate (re-decorate?) for Christmas when the region decided to restart and logged us all off.

So, I logged back in, and a very funny thing happened. I landed in Noob Land, Korea..on Bev.

Literally..ON her.

And I thought to myself, if I'd never met Bev all those months ago..would we be friends now? Would today be the day that we met for the first time - when I landed on her? Would our friendship start today?

And I realized this (follow me if you dare):

There is a cyclic flow to life. Real and virtual. There are good times, and there are the not good times. But to say that I would trade one moment of good times for five moments of bad times would be a lie. I'd avoid the bad times if I could, but they make the good times that much better. And during the bad times, when you think things are at their worst, I sometimes think to myself, if not for this super bad moment, would I appreciate the good ones? Or would they just be moments to me?

So. Understand this..

You can see me any way that you want. As a good person, a bad person, as a clueless person..whatever. But. I would never trade a single moment for anything. I will never trade the bad moments away, because they make the good moments feel all that much better. I will never treat any moment as one I'd never live again - even my mistakes. Every mistake is a beautiful mistake. One to learn from and one to grow from. I am as much a product of my successses as I am of my failures.

And I believe that fate owns us in some ways. That fate brings some people into our lives and takes some people out of our lives. And we are better and richer and stronger because of it. And I don't doubt that for a second. Everyone touches us - whether they know it or not. Whether we register to them or not.

Tonight I would have met Bev for the first time, maybe. She'd come into my life later than had I met her months ago, but she WOULD have come into my life today.

I miss life the way it was a year ago. I do. My RL and my SL. Things were quiet and happy and I was able to live in La Dee Da Land - where the people without worries live. But the economy, the world, the everything has changed. And these days it's all sink or swim - everywhere. So I'm going to figure out where I can get a raft or something, because it's hard to swim with a 10 pound weight tied to your neck, yo. But. I know it'll be okay. My heart tells me so.

And soon, things will be better. I'm sure of it.

And I need to stop blogging so late at night. I think it makes me ramble. ROFL. *yawn* Night!


XOXO,
B

Fresh SL Air..

In the wake of one of the most horrid weeks I've ever had in SL, has been the most refreshing time I've ever had in SL.

You see, a year ago, I was just a DJs girl. I was a shopper. I was..just a roaming soul.

And then I started working..and planning..and taking it all too serious.

After Moo and I broke up, I quit my hostessing jobs. Bistro, Savoy and Jungle. I walked away, and while there's a small twinge of regret, there's a bigger breath of fresh air. I'll miss feeling like a part of something - but I carry with me the knowledge that I still am a part of something; just not a working part anymore.

I love Busy and Ehric, and I loved working with them and for them to make the Jungle popular. But truthfully, I lost my passion for it all.

Tonight, which would be my usual night hostessing at the Jungle, I logged on about half hour into Moo's show. And for the first time, I didn't feel guilty..or like I'd let someone down.

Moo and I are kinda working things out. We're talking..and we miss each other too much to just walk away. But there's a lot of damage in the wake of our breakup, a lot that will just take time to heal. So we're taking things slow and easy..living apart, but still being friends. So, it's a good start.

I don't need to clock watch anymore. I'll always check out my friends if they're working and I'm on, but I don't HAVE to be there..I don't HAVE to be perky or pretend to care when someone I've never met wanders in. I don't HAVE to do anything but be me now.

And it's like a breath of fresh air into SL..to just be. To have no obligations..no duties..no stress.

So here's my advice to you:
If you feel like SL's become..too much work..then stop working. The SL world won't collapse. Even if you just take a week off, you'll see how peaceful it feels. Take some time, grab a friend and wander. Do a hunt..visit a new sim..check out new stores..attend random parties..wheelchair race through a courtyard..just hang around and chat.

I loved the time I spent doing what I did here..but..that time passed, and there's a new time waiting fior me. I'm a little nervous (what will become of me?), but I'm even more excited (WHAT will become of me?!) to try new things.

And one last piece of advice for tonight:
Time does heal all things. I've seen it for myself. And I believe in it. Stupid little things..they don't live forever.

It's late. :) Time for bed.

XOXO,
B

Learning..One Step at a Time..

A funny thing happened this week.

I realized that I don't know how to stand on my own two feet in SL. Strange, isn't it? I'm a pretty self-reliant chick. I can handle things for myself. Or so I think?

I rented an apartment at Rolland Rock. Mostly I planned on using it as a place to rezz and open boxes. I had no intention of living there. Of making it a home.

My good friend (and neighbor) Bev came by and laid the smack down on me.

She gave me her nifty color changing furniture..some love and a whole lotta patience.

But I was still lazy. Still..unmotivated to do anything. But I did rezz a bed. A clean bed - no dirty poses..no snuggle..no love..no jump on the bed.

Then today, Parker gave me a gift.

It was a Christmas radio. And it was the funniest thing, because my apartment had no sound.

So I took it home, unboxed it and put it on the floor. But that's rude. To Parker, I think. So I put it on my buffet. But I couldn't figure it out.

Secret? Moo always figured stuff out for me. Building, scripts, codes..all of that stuff.

So..I called Bev. And while I moped, she fixed it. And the craziest thing happened. I started feeling the music. I love Christmas music. It makes you all warm and happy..and that's maybe what I needed. Was to stop feeling sorry for myself.

So Bev went on her way, and I decided to make the apartment something. So I put out her furniture..and a whole bunch of little things I love. My wind chime, my pictures, my candles. Then I thought..what the heck? And I opened my Christmas folder and put out my Christmas tree.

And I changed 45 outfits.

And..the day didn't seem so very bad. And Moo logged on. And I got happy. I always get happy when he logs on.

And we talked. And I invited him over. And he came! I fought the urge to hog tie him and put him in my closet forever and ever. Mainly because..I don't know how to hog tie. It was nice. Short..but..nice. Just to have him back a little was good enough for me.

Since I quit my jobs, I don't have terribly much to do - which is great since I'm always afk so much. It's funny what happens when people break up..how everyone takes it differently. How everyone treats you differently.

Kim, Aeryn, D and Parker, Busy and Ehric came by to see my apartment. Quiet even popped in too. It was nice. I put on a fashion show with Kim and D fed everyone lasagna.

The TV from the house? Moo gave it to me. So I put it out in my apartment. And yes, countess pics of us run by..and countless memories and funny moments and snuggly moments..and yes, it is horrible torture - but in the same token, the warmest reminders of some of the best times in SL.

Moo and I are friendly. And it'll take us time to ever get back close to where we were..but at the end of the day, he is very much a part of me. And I can't feel right without him.

But we have a date planned.

And that's a start.

Maybe some distance is good for us. Maybe after all of this time we needed it. He showed me his apartment. It's cute. We talked for a long time..said things that kinda needed to be said, and then I went home to my apartment where I shouted goodnight to Bev.

It's still all strange, but I'm slowly warming up to the idea of figuring out things for myself.

Andf it's late now. I'm going to sleep.

I love you guys for putting up with me these last few days. My non-IM returning, moping ass loves you very much. :)



XOXO,
B