Sunday, March 16, 2008

What..the..you're WHERE?!

So yesterday morning..I woke up..and thought..Saturday. Great. Usual, you know? A run, some breakfast, grocery shopping, clean the place up a little..play SL..maybe make some steak before heading out for some St. Patty's weekend wickedness at the local bar.


And then.


My sister called.


You see, my sister's having a baby. She's due on the 23rd. And on Thursday, her doctor told her..no baby today, tomorrow..or this weekend.


So, my parents took her son, and they all went shopping at the Shore. 23 minutes before she called.


She said she was having pain. And could I stay with her.


Sure. What the heck? I could make my steak there too. LOL


I get there and her husband's bugging out. She's spotting..and there's blood..and oh my god there are contractions? Or is it gas? See..last time, her labor was induced and she was heavily medicated. She didn't know WHAT contractions felt like..and hell if I could tell her! We time the so-called contractions. Every four to six minutes.


So..I convince her to call her doctor. He tells her to get to the hospital.


Okay, hello? This can't happen. *I* am not good in a medical crisis. And yes, this IS natural..but it's a crisis to me!


Okay, I put on my big girl underpants and stepped up.


While he drove down the streets like a lunatic and I sat in the backseat with her - holding her hands through the contractions and catching the stuff she threw at him before it connected with the back of his head.


So we get to the hospital, he goes to park, I take her in, take her up to maternity, get her examined, get the green light from the resident that she's having the baby today (yeah, he's still parking) and help her get settled into her room.


I run outside, make a ton of quick phone calls, the worst of which being to my parents - who instantly freak out. Unfortunately, my dad's knee isn't good enough to make the 2 hour drive back. And she's already 5 cm dilated. It should be any minute now.


ROFL!


Right.


10 hours later..


She's ready. Time to push.


Doc wheels in a table and uncovers it.


Whoa, whoa, whoa.


We delivering a baby..or torturing prisoners of war?


A table of scissors..and..other..things.


And I feel woozy.


Okay, be brave.


Okay..pushpushpush..


A head!


YES!


Oh..that's a lot of blood there..


And..


Oh..my good lord..


WAIT !


It has shoulders!


YES!


Oh god..


That's..so gross.


That's not blood..but..what IS it?


And it's a girl! She's crying!


And really bloody.


And gunky.


WTF?!


Okay.


I love kids.


But.


I'm SO adopting.


:) Worth it all, I suppose - in the end.


Just REALLY gross. Welcome Baby Sonia.



:) There's already a box of new clothes waiting for her along with a pair of Tiffany heart stud earrings.

Her journey was equally as gross, I imagine, therefore she deserves a consolation prize. :)

Until next time,

B

7 comments:

Blogger said...

Excellent story!

Glad everything came out OK (pun intended)!

I am sure that those who are parents would agree with me that children are indeed a blessing - don't tie those tubes just yet...

Kimala said...

You are such a good sister and an amazing aunt that your neice and nephew are lucky to have :) My favorite line of the weekend from you was when you described trying not to fall asleep while watching a Disney movie over the phone with your nephew Sunday evening. Hopefully your post-traumatic birth watching/coaching experience will dull with time - I think it must for most or there wouldn't be so many darn people in the world.

Congratulations Aunt Blissie :)

Bliss said...

:) Thanks.

Life was different when my nephew was born. *I* was different. I was running a one woman campaign for bitch of the year - and winning.

And then he came along..and he made me mellow..and..softer.

And I have other nephews. But he came along at a time when I was going to school and working part-time..so I was home more. I'm a little more attached to him.

:) He makes me a mushy sucker. Bastard!

Crighton Johin said...

Awww....what a cutie. And the baby's not so bad either!! *winks*

Nice story Blissie. I was thinking back to the day when Jake was born a couple weeks ago. I still remember his head coming out and me thinking....."how the fuck???"

And counting fingers, etc.....amazing stuff. Congratulations, Auntie Bliss!! Your nephew is lucky to have such a cool Aunt.

:-)

bigd Flanagan said...

What a sweet little face:). Look into that face and if you don't think there is a God in heaven, I pity you.....

Kimala said...

ok all of you - you all talk about the gross eeeek ick factors and then how cute that little one is after all that but what about the poor mom pushing that out through where? ;) At least that's the part that is wiped from memories too - or I'm SURE there would be less people in the world. That pushing part is WAY harder than it seems and that... oh yeah.. you're dialated to such and such is not just a NUMBER it is your BODY totally stretching to an unknown shape. God - I'm scaring myself to think about it. Whew! My tubes are tied. LOL. Sorry Bliss. Maybe you better delete this comment post.

Bliss said...

Thanks guys. :)

And thank Kim.

Totally adopting a kid.

ROFL!