Monday, February 15, 2010

So Let's Talk Marriage..

No, not RL. Hopes DOWN people. :P

Let's talk SL relationships - partnering, commitment and cartoon love.

What constitutes an SL relationship? What makes people in SL decide to dive into the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship..or worse..the husband/wife relationship? Is it the basic need for companionship? Is it the cartoon sex? Is it, for those who have sworn of romance, the thrill of the ultimate catch? What drives people to form a bond in SL that they may already have in SL?

These things eat at me, you know?

Me – of all people – the girl who committed to a guy in SL for more than two years. Oddly enough, the thing Mr. Moo and I agreed about the most was that we would never SL partner. It wasn’t because we expected to break up; it was more that to us..partnering was the kiss of death to a relationship. We’d seen so many friends and acquaintances go through massive SL weddings..parties..ceremonies..only to break up two weeks later. It was a well known pattern, and we weren’t about to walk that path.

Time passed and Moo and I quietly separated. It wasn’t messy or hateful. Our friends didn’t have to choose sides, there was no profile hatred, no nasty unfriendings. He was, above all else, my best friend in SL. And our relationship really hadn’t changed. We still fussed and drove each other nuts..and then made up as quickly as we had fought. But we were no longer obligated to do certain things. As a significant other, you have “duties”. You’re responsible for showing up at certain places and at certain times. Their schedule becomes yours, and your schedule becomes theirs. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a burden or hardship – but it can feel more RL than we want sometimes. And when you’re somewhere that’s meant to be relaxing, it can make you..edgy.

But Moo and I weren’t/aren’t your average anything. Our relationship wasn’t one decided over a two week span. Little known Boucher-Moo fact: while we were married on a dance floor at One Word by Kimala, we didn’t live together or DATE for months. We hung out and got to know each other. We were friends who happily fell into the role of husband and wife and had an amazing two year relationship (which, for the record, I credit for our still being great friends in SL – despite what life throws our way).

But I digress.

What is it that makes someone WANT a commitment in Second Life?

I recently started dating someone new - Cisqo. Nice guy, very funny, attractive – we click. And yet, I’m hesitant.


I don’t know. He’s patient and kind, and a player willing to settle down with only me. He makes an effort to be friends with my find out what’s important to not just make me a part of his world..but to become a part of mine too.

And I hold back. Still. For whatever reason, I keep one foot securely out of the door in the event that I need to make a break for it at any given moment. Make a break from what? I have no idea. The fairytale-ish story that girls dream about..that teen movies are MADE of..and it seems like I’m on a single track to flee from it all.

Recently a few folks have invited me to their weddings in SL. Always beautiful affairs – fun to get dressed up and fun to watch. And I’ve been asked the question I’ve been asked since I started SL. When will you get married? And I laugh it off, but the truth is.. it’s not for me. SL wedding bells, SL formal commitment – I’m just not meant for that life. It’s not that I have issues being faithful. It’s just that I’ve been the SL wife (minus the partnering). I’ve been the girlfriend. The lover. Been there, done that. All that glitters isn’t necessarily gold.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy having someone to hang around with. Having someone to chat with, to spend my time with, to explore with. And Cisqo is more than patient and content to live SL life with me the way I am. And for that, I’m thankful. I don’t want or need anything more. Commitment isn’t a battle with us. He doesn’t need to be paraded around, and he doesn’t need to show me off. Us just having time for each other is what’s important, and that’s what makes us a comfortable couple.

But being single in SL, well there’s a lot to be said for it. No rules, no answering to anyone, no expectations, no guilt. The only thing is that once a guy realizes you like single life, they want to own you. Always trying to make you their girl – for one reason or another. I think for most guys, it’s about having the girl..the unattainable girl. Like the nerd getting the cheerleader..or whatever.

I’ll never understand it..and I’ve long since stopped trying to.

My advice is simple. Find someone in SL to keep company with that brightens your day and makes you laugh and enjoys the same things as you. Just relax and have fun. Don't run around looking for true love..or that one person to make you complete. The only person that can complete you IS you.

And if you truly feel the need to partner with someone? Partner with the person in SL that never lets you down, that always brightens your day, and the person that will tell you when you're being half cracked HONESTLY, and still love you. I did. :)

And with that jumbled mess of a post, I leave with you a quote from Sex & the City..

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.



Parker said...

BRAVA!! Well said, Bliss. You have said a lot of the same stuff I have been preaching in RL for some 20 odd years.

Joonie said...

Brilliantly said and something I wish I had read about 3 1/2 years ago. LOL love it, Bliss.