Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Blissie Boucher's Guide to Women (For the Clueless Man)

Dear Clueless Male,

So you're reading this...thinking to yourself.."This doesn't apply to me.  My lady's happy.  *insert profuse ball scratching*"

Well.......are you sure about that?

Just so there's no confusion..here are Blissie Boucher's rules to keeping your lady happy.  And just for you extremely colorful folks..I'll put it to music.

Rule #1:  Catcalls and Compliments

"Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.
You're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight."
~Frank Sinatra, "The Way You Look Tonight"

Make your lady feel pretty.  No, not just pretty.  Beautiful.  Make her feel like she's the only one you see in a crowded room (regardless of how true or untrue this is..).  Why?  Because women love to know that the effort they put into picking the right dress to impress you..is appreciated.  Know those catcalls that women on the street hate?  Sometimes, it's a nice thing to do at your OWN girl (imagine that...).  Compliment her hair..her eyes..her smile.  You like it?  Say so!  Believe me..you will never suffer for giving her a compliment - you can ONLY prosper.   

Rule #2:  Make.  The.  Time.

"In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
In the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she'll be gone, she's moved on
To someone who takes the time
Her love wasn't a priority to you
You had other things on your mind
And now that it's much to little and so far too late
The busy signals all that's left behind
You're all alone"
~Ne Yo, Time

Yup.  We've all got things to do.  But here's the thing my dad always taught me - and this is one of the biggest keys to a happy relationship - 'Time isn't something you have.  It's something you make.'  It's all very simple, really.  If you don't make the time for her...you will lose her because someone else will.   Not a complex rule, guys.  The same time and courtesy YOU expect, you should give to her as well.

Rule #3:  What Does She Like?

"Running out of room begging for more up against the wall that has been scuffed by my stilletos
You pry apart my thighs and tell me to be still
And I willingly submit to you because I love the way you dominate me"
~Jose Nunez, Bilingual

This one...is VERY VERY important.  Do you know that thing she does that drives you crazy?  That thing she does simply because you like it?  Well..ask yourself......"What drives HER crazy?"

If you can't ANSWER that..you've really screwed up.  But this can be fixed.  What does it require?  DING DING DING!  It requires time and attention.  Take the time to talk..to explore..to taste test, so to speak.  That's part of the fun..finding each other's sweet spot.  But being a selfish lover will ALWAYS get you dumped.  Seriously.

Rule #4:  Doesn't Hurt to Give..

"And no, I ain't perfect - nobody walkin this earth's surface is
But girlfriend, work with the kid
I keep you workin' at Hermes, Birkin Bag
Manolo Blahnik, Timbs, aviator lens
600 drops, Mercedes Benz
The only time you wear Burberry to swim
And I don't have to worry, only worry is him
She do anything necessary for him
And I do anything necessary for her
so don't let the necessary occur, yep!"
~Jay Z & Beyonce, '03 Bonnie N Clyde

Does your girlfriend go on and on and on about a necklace she saw?  A bag?  A cupcake at the bakery?  Here's a hint.  Buy it.


Buy it for her.  If she knows you like something......doesn't she buy it for you?  So why aren't you taking the gifts?  Hello?  Presents are good.  Doesn't need to be jewelry or fancy things.  Know she likes KitKats?  Buy her the big pack.  Surprise her with it.  Just..don't make her tell you what she wants.  Pay attention..and you'll know.

Rule #5:  Speak

"Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again"
~John Mayer, "Say"

We're not mind readers.  We don't know why you do what you do..say what you say..so it helps to speak up.  Tell us what's on your mind.  It doesn't have to be constant chatter.  Just the things that maybe we need or want to hear.  If you let us in..way less fighting.  Communication is key.

So..these are some of the golden rules to having a happy lady.

There are more, of course, but these are the big ones.

Remember..if you don't love her right..someone else will.  And that's the truth.

Happy Monday!


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