Pretty in Pink..

So I pushed my crappy work day aside and decided I needed a little mid-day pick me up. And my mid-day pick me up generally revolves around three things: dessert, shopping and..uhm..lunch (teehee). So I strolled over to Sephora and started shopping. I was out of my Clinique 'All About Lips', so the trip did have a point.

..in the beginning, that is..

And then I started wandering around the store. I found a super cute kit by Too Faced called 'A Decade of Glamour'. The contents, I must admit, were genius. Their top telling items from the last ten years were exposed when you unfolded the little dollhouse shaped kit. Mindblowing let me tell you. From lipsticks to blush..to..eyeshadows..mascara..liner..it was all in there! By now my one little Clinique box that I'd been carrying around the store was making friends in my cute little silver and black shopping basket that the saleswoman was kind enough to bring me. I also picked up Philosophy's new coconut scrub (though it's not new..just the Coconut Milk scrub they'd released last year repackaged after disappointed customers were told Coconut Milk was discontinued and would not be returning). I snagged a cute new palette of eye shadows in the Summer's hot colors (it came with a free liquid eyeliner! Gotta love stuff like that!). So I was done. I'd decided. I was done and going to get on line. And then I saw it.

And of course, I had to have it.

Too Faced’s ‘Mood Swing Lip Gloss’. Emotionally activated lip gloss. Changes to your perfect shade of pink according to your mood. And what are the listed moods, you ask? Not angry..sad..happy..

No.

The moods are (in this particular order): Totally Zen, Slightly Smitten, Feelin’ Frisky, Dirty Thoughts, Hot & Bothered, and Bask in the Afterglow. So a sex driven lip gloss? Wow. What will they think of next? Little buzzzer's tied into men's watches that go off when any woman is turned on within a five foot radius?

Anyway.

So I bought it. What? Are you shocked? Tsk, tsk. It's got to be tested, no?

So I skitter back to work with my sack of goodies and grab my friend. We read and re-read the box. Looks easy to use. So..I slap some on my lips. It's clear. Glossy looking.

And then..

It's hot pink. Hot & Bothered, according to the box. But it’s really pink.

Like..flaming whore pink! (Yeah, I always thought flaming whore only came in the red shade, but the things you learn..they're shocking!).

So now I'm sitting at work..with hot pink lips..which are telling me I'm supposed to be in heat or something. And I don't think I am. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not.

And then my co-worker walks by. Mr.IStopAndBabbleAboutMyselfForTenMinutesWithoutAir.

And he says..

"That's really pretty lipstick. Don't think I've seen you in that color before." I don't correct him that it's gloss. "Sexy." And he leaves.

So I read the box again. Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe it reads other people's moods? So I look in my little mirror again. Maybe the color had lightened up a little?

Nope. Still flaming whore pink.

Hm.

So after much thought, I decided that the lip gloss was made by men. Men trying to convince women they're in heat..when they're not. Because..why would lipstick lie to us?

And that's my conclusion.

But..let's admit it..it won't stop me from slapping some of this stuff on when I get pulled over for my next speeding ticket. God gave me this weapon..er..TOOL for a reason. To waste it is a sin. :)


Decade of Glamour Beauty Wardrobe Makeup Collection ($195 Value)

What it is:

Ten years' worth of best-selling products from Too Faced.

What it does:

Introducing the Too Faced Decade of Glamour Beauty Wardrobe Makeup Collection. Once upon a time (1998 to be exact), in a town known as Tinsel, two young (and need I say charming?) boys named Jerrod Blandino and Jeremy Johnson decided it was time to add glamour, sex appeal, and glitter back into the beauty biz. Declaring, "Why be pretty when you can be gorgeous?" the Too Faced revolution began. The Decade of Glamour beauty kit transforms you from pretty and sweet, to red carpet starlet and sexy in seconds. Loaded with every best-selling product in our ten years of business to make heads turn and hearts break�the Decade of Glamour Beauty Kit will have the paparazzi frenzied for you.

What else you need to know:

The deluxe kit includes six Eye Shadows (Astro Turf, Zsa Zsa, Label Whore, Pixie Dust, Ooh and Aah, and Lovey Dovey), Beauty Balm in Girly Grapefruit, an exclusive Bronzing Powder, two Gossip Glosses (Sabotage and Tattle Tale), two Lipsticks (You're No Lady and Marcia Marcia Marcia), Bauble Gloss in Ring Pop, a mini Lash Injection Mascara, Glamour Gloss in Love Bites, Ooh La Rouge Blush Duo in Pink Provacateur, Juicy Jewel Doublesided Gloss Stick in Vanilla Ice, Sun Bunny Bronzer Duo, a full-size Lip Injection, and a mini Lava Gloss Eyeliner.

Mood Swing

What it is:

A lip gloss that changes color on your lips depending on your body heat, ph balance, and mood.

What it does:

Our supernatural formulation starts off crystal clear and blossoms into countless shades of pink from cotton candy to deep fuchsia, depending on the wearer's emotional state. Are you in love, jealous, angry, happy, or hot and bothered? Your lips will tell the tale and allow you to express yourself like never before! Mood Swing's secret blend of essential oils and extracts improves elasticity and rejuvenates your lips while natural sunscreens insure a younger looking smile.

What else you need to know:

Apply Mood Swing when you're feeling sassy, sexy, or deliriously happy and witness your lip color blossom from clear to pale pink or fuchsia. You can also apply Mood Swing in the center of the lips, over the top of lipstick, and watch the color erupt for a perfect pout.

Enjoy,

B