I Wish......

I kind of wish that I could freeze time. Pick a moment and leave my world that way.

My dad had a second surgery for his prostate cancer back in June. All seemed to go well.

Last week he started having back pain and really bad stomach pain. So we took him to the emergency room.

Sadly, the doctors told us that they've discovered lesions on his liver. They believe the prostate cancer has spread to his liver.

I can't quite convey how broken my heart is. I wish I could take away his pain. I wish I could make him better and let him live his life in peace.

I'd gladly take his pain and suffering if it meant he didn't have to have it.

We're meeting with the oncologist on Friday, and hopefully we can find a way to ease his pain and make things easier on him. In three years I have learned all there is to know about the heart, the brain and the prostate. I can read blood test reports with the best of them now.

I'm tired. And I wish I could slip into Second Life and hide from my first life. But that's not an option now.

Hope all is well with you all. Sending lots of love and light your way.


XOXO,
B

I Believe..

Sharing a little love with you today.  :)

The Art of Forgiveness

Media outlets everywhere are all overflowing with the Kristen Stewart/Rupert Sanders affair pictures.  Everyone's got an opinion.  Everyone's got a story.

Well, he's the reality.  You can feel whatever you want - it doesn't make a difference.  It all boils down to forgiveness between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson and Rupert Sanders and Liberty Ross.  If they can all truly forgive each other, then they can "let go".  If not, then they need to move on.  Carry their hurt off with them like suitcases and move on until they can eventually lose that luggage somewhere. 

Sometimes, forgiving someone can be a very, very tricky thing. 

I think it's in our nature to hold on to pain and heartache - we use these things as fuel.  Some turn this fuel into creative projects - music, writing, art, etc.  Others turn it into hate.  Regardless of what you do with it, it's always a hard thing to "let go". 

What does that even mean?  Let go.  I can't honestly say.  I've let go of heartache before.  But, it's always still there somehow.  A dull ache that just lessens over time.  I don't dwell on it 24/7.  And I think that's what letting go really means.  Just to let go as much as possible, because you will never truly release hurt.  It's always there..like a scar, I guess.  A reminder of your past.

Even if you forgive someone for cheating on you, can you ever truly trust them again?  Or do you carry nagging doubt with you everywhere?

Well, that's a very personal call.

For what it's worth, I think the blame being laid on Kristen Stewart alone is ridiculous.  A married, father of two should know better - and he is just as culpable, if not more. 

I think they did a stupid thing and got caught up in a feeling.  And I think.....ultimately..everyone is human.  We all make mistakes..choose the wrong path and fuck shit up.  It doesn't make it right - just makes it life; messy and uncontrollable. 

If we can accept our role and fair share of blame in the situation and genuinely ask for forgiveness, then I think we've taken one step in the right direction.

And to the people judging?  And throwing around words like whore and slut...well...if you've never made a bad decision in your life EVER..feel free to continue.  But if you have...?  Pipe down.  

And that's all from me today.



XOXO,
B